Domestic Goddess

I dread filling out forms the ask for your occupation. I hate writing "stay at home mom" or "home maker". It's not that it's not true. I have (with my husband) decided not to return to the work force so as to raise my son full time. I just object to the terminology. I think that they are both out dated and that neither one really describes what a mom (stay at home or working) actually does.

First of all, who actually stays at home? At least in my case, my kid much prefers to be out. Outside, at a play date, shopping, at Grandma and Grandpa's house, at the park, at the beach...anywhere that isn't the same four walls. And I must say that I completely agree with him. There are swimming lessons and doctors appointments, grocery shopping and social engagements. This little boy has a better social life than I do, that's for sure.

Mom's are cooks, maids, chauffeurs, fashion consultants, social convenors, mediators, event planners, personal shoppers, playmates, enforcers, judges, social workers, teachers, nurses, creative directors, nutritionists, artists, monster scarer-awayers, boo-boo kissers, booger wipers, tear kissers, bad dream banishers and occasionally, tickle monsters.

I decided to revamp my job title when I saw my OB for the first time for my current pregnancy. His Office Admin (lovely lady!) was updating my file and asking the usual. We got to occupation. I said that I didn't work. Aileen said "like hell you don't". I paused for a moment and reflected on this. I then changed my answer to Domestic Goddess. Aileen laughed and entered it into the computer. That is how I've responded to the question ever since. I get some odd looks. That's fine

It hasn't been easy. I'm a natural Mom, a good cook with a varied repitoire, but not a natural at keeping the house clean and tidy. I love a clean home. I'm just not very good at it. I know how to clean. I'd much rather play.

A little planning, my trusty lists, and a healthy dose of self forgiveness if I slip for a few days. If I have a choice of going to the park or washing the floor...the floor is just going to have to wait. It's taken my two years, but I think I've now got this whole Domestic Goddess thing under control.

Of course I'm now 32 1/2 weeks pregnant. Not like that could possible throw a wrench into the works, right?

Me

So many things I want to write about. My boy, my pregnancy and all the thoughts, worries, hopes and fears that go along with that, how fast the time flies and how precious it all is. But I'm going to write about me.

I am profoundly lonely and sad.

Maybe it's the baby blues, maybe it's not. But I spend an enormous amount of time alone. And I very rarely get a break. I don't know how many nights my son has been alive, but I have been on night duty for all of them but one when he spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa's house without me. One night in over two years. He rarely sleeps through the night.

I do the baths. I do bedtime. I read the stories and sing the songs and play the games.

I have a husband. I love him. I really wish he's help me out more though.

Don't get me wrong. My darling husband works very hard so that I can stay at home with the lad. He's a contractor and has his own business. It does fairly well, so we're doing okay. But he's tired when he gets home from work. He needs a few hours of down time to drink beer, watch tv and play video games brfore he can try to go to bed. On the weekends, when I'm exhausted from my 24/7 toddler and would kill for a nap and a shower and - God forbid - a little me time, my husband takes a nap for a few hours and I try to keep the kid from disturbing him too much.

I'm not saying it's right or fair. I'm just saying that's how it is.

I've become very isolated from my friends. A good deal of that is my doing. But it get's hard coming up with excuses when he never wants to go anywhere with my friends. That and so many live too far away to easily see on a regular basis.

Sigh. Boy is up... enough self pity for now.