I attended my last board meeting at Theatre Aurora tonight and I feel so conflicted.
Part of me wants to turn cartwheels and shout for joy that my 2 year term is up at the end of the month. Another part feels like it's being ripped to shreds.
I probably should have turned down the nomination of Secretary in the first place. I joined the Board when my son was a mere 5 weeks old. I think I was relieved when I was asked. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do theatre with a baby. Turns out that wasn't exactly true. I asked several times for the job description and what the time and energy commitment would be. I wanted to make sure that, with a 2 year commitment, I wasn't going to bite off more than I could chew. What I was told and what actually happened were miles apart. Perhaps I should have also asked if the woman from the nominating committee had ever served on the Board. She hadn't. I think she just made up an answer to whatever I asked.
On the whole, my time on the Board was miserable. This was my first time on a Board of Directors. I don't know if it's a normal thing or not, but I wasn't prepared for all the in fighting. There were so many egos and hidden agenda and personality conflicts that I don't think we actually got anything accomplished during the first year. The second years was better. Somewhat. A few changes in people helped. We started the season really pushing the idea that this is supposed to be fun. Energy was much improved. Then the same old, soul sucking, joy killing drain crept in. The membership, as a whole, is completely disengaged. As a community theatre, we rely on our membership to volunteer to work on shows and other things around the theatre. No one is willing to help. We've had to pull out of two parades and a street sale because there was no one to work on it. We only ask for a couple of hours of your time. Hand out Playbills at the street festival, work Front of House for a night (you get to see the show for free!), ride in the parade or help decorate a float for an afternoon with some friends...we're really not asking that much! So it's fallen to the Board to do everything. Add in an economic downturn and the theatre is in some pretty serious trouble. We're hanging on, largely thank to a really good VP Finance who is able to stay on top of everything and has been helping to guide us through these tough times.
I was not a good Secretary. I wish I could say that I was. Truth be told, I stopped trying. I didn't know how to do the job and despite asking, never got answers to my questions (I'd never done minutes before, was being asked to do things that were not the secretary's job...but I didn't know that since I never got a job description, etc).
So if it was so horrible, why am I going to miss it? For a number of reasons.
I'm going to miss some of the people. I probably won't see them as often.
It was a really valuable experience that I'm glad I didn't pass up. Yes it was frustrating, but I learned a lot. I got to see how things REALLY work behind the scenes. As an actor, you know that there is a budget for each show, but I never knew where that money came from or how a budget was determined. Advertising and programs just sort of magically appeared and it never really occurred to me that people didn't or wouldn't want to help out. I always thought it was fun!
Perhaps the thing that is hardest for me is that, as of the official end of my term on July 1, I will be on a 2 year hiatus from the theatre. It is self imposed as part of a promise to my husband. I wish I'd thought it through a little better before making that promise. The theatre is my only outlet that gets me out of the house. I wish I could say it would get me out of the house without my son, but he came with me to a lot of things. He had better attendance at board meetings than some of the other board members. He came with me to nearly every rehearsal when I produced Suds. He even came to some rehearsals for shows I acted in or stage managed. Hubby finds it difficult to watch the boy. He often needs to do estimates at night or needs to relax for a few hours before bed. People have been very patient and understanding about my needing to bring the boy with me. He took his first steps in the lobby of the theatre. He loves the stage and is a natural entertainer. I'm quite happy with him growing up at the theatre.
So what's the problem? Our second child is expected to arrive in about 6 weeks. One kid is portable and fairly easy to manage while doing something at the theatre. Two... I don't think so.
I don't know what I'm going to do to get out of the house or what I'm going to do for an outlet. I'm worried that I'm going to become bitter and resentful, or become a recluse. I can ( I hope) still do front of house once in a while and I intend of seeing all the shows for the next couple of seasons. But I'm really going to miss the camaraderie and thrill of working on shows. It gave me more of an identity than "just" a mom.
Two years is a long time.
