Me

So many things I want to write about. My boy, my pregnancy and all the thoughts, worries, hopes and fears that go along with that, how fast the time flies and how precious it all is. But I'm going to write about me.

I am profoundly lonely and sad.

Maybe it's the baby blues, maybe it's not. But I spend an enormous amount of time alone. And I very rarely get a break. I don't know how many nights my son has been alive, but I have been on night duty for all of them but one when he spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa's house without me. One night in over two years. He rarely sleeps through the night.

I do the baths. I do bedtime. I read the stories and sing the songs and play the games.

I have a husband. I love him. I really wish he's help me out more though.

Don't get me wrong. My darling husband works very hard so that I can stay at home with the lad. He's a contractor and has his own business. It does fairly well, so we're doing okay. But he's tired when he gets home from work. He needs a few hours of down time to drink beer, watch tv and play video games brfore he can try to go to bed. On the weekends, when I'm exhausted from my 24/7 toddler and would kill for a nap and a shower and - God forbid - a little me time, my husband takes a nap for a few hours and I try to keep the kid from disturbing him too much.

I'm not saying it's right or fair. I'm just saying that's how it is.

I've become very isolated from my friends. A good deal of that is my doing. But it get's hard coming up with excuses when he never wants to go anywhere with my friends. That and so many live too far away to easily see on a regular basis.

Sigh. Boy is up... enough self pity for now.